Hey Forgotten Magic friends! You all don’t know me yet but I’m excited to join this team and start sharing about what God is doing in my life through this platform. The first thing you need to know about me is I am an enneagram 7. I like to go, go, go. I love everything and want to do everything all the time. I am that girl in all the activities and all the clubs.
I say yes always… But during this season, God is teaching me to say no.
I am a senior in college and I graduate in May. I have a lot of responsibility where I go to school. I’m involved with campus ministry, res life, orchestra, an off- campus outreach, and more. Throughout my last 4 years here, I’ve seriously done it all, and frankly, I’m really tired. I am tired of not doing the things I really want because I have other obligations. I’m tired of not investing into relationships that really matter and that I feel called to because I don’t have time. I’m tired of constantly going. Last semester, when I was creating my schedule for this semester, I kept that weariness in mind. I signed up for the least amount of hours ever and I decided it would be an amazing last semester of college, filled with spontaneous adventure, sweet moments with my people, and rest + preparation for the season to come. I decided I really wanted to enjoy it.
Fast forward to last week when I started classes. At the end of the second day, I was weeping on my floor. Even though I was taking the least amount of classes ever, it felt like the most. The classes I had signed up for were unexpectedly heavy and I had a lot more responsibility in my internship than I anticipated. I was face down with my hands to Jesus asking Him
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!
I began saying to myself, “You can do it. You’ve always done it. You can do it again.” Which is so true… but so not what I wanted to do. I immediately started comparing my schedule to others, saying, “Well they have a lot on their plate, too. I’m just being too lazy.” I made it through the first week of class and savored the long weekend. I rested, talked to my family and friends, and prayed. I didn’t want to give up anything in my schedule because all of it was so great. But it was simply too many great things and I couldn’t do it all if I wanted to do any of it well.
So at the start of this week, I let down my pride and dropped some classes and other responsibilities. I feel as though a weight has been lifted and I can breathe. Instead of filling my time with programming and scheduled ministry, I think God is really trying to show me just how much I’ve been pouring from an empty cup. I have been going nonstop, pouring into people, doing outreach and so many good things, but I’ve been completely worn down because I’ve been disconnected from the source from which I pour: Jesus. I haven’t been allowing Jesus to fill me so that I can fill others.
In Mark 3:14, Jesus first calls the disciples. The word says, “He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.” I don’t know about you, but I have always skipped over the first part of this calling and I’ve gone straight to the “send them out to preach” part. We are taught that our calling is to GO. Which is so true and so vital to our walk with Jesus. But to do that, we have to take seriously the first part of Jesus’ command: BE. Literally before Jesus asks us to do anything, He asks us to simply “be with him.”
I’m so grateful for the way God humbled me last week, showing me that I can’t do it all and that I don’t have to, either. I’m grateful for how He set up this season for me in a way that I can be intentional and rest. In order to give our best to those around us, we must first be willing to give our best to Him; in order to go out and preach, we must first BE.
A Believer’s Blog, #ABB